November 26, 2007

• Rainy Moanday

  The barometer is beating me up again.  I can't take its rollercoaster ride.  But when it bottoms out, then I'll be okay.  That's when everyone else say, "oh, dreary day" and they act like it's lousey.  Then I'm all feeling great and ready to go.  So what do people do when it's raining?  I mean, besides singing.  LoL!

  And the temps today got up in the mid 50sF.  Wow!  I thought it was winter. 

  [whine]

  Explain a Migraine

  Someone asked me how it really felt to have a migraine.  She said she had a migraine this past month, and wondered if hers was like mine.  I think she were really trying to understand (for a change 'cause most people really don't want to know).  To understand fully, one would need to either have them like me, or spend alot of time with me, or take the time and try to understand by asking.  I just can't explain it in 5 minutes and that's it.  And she really didn't want a 5 minute answer, which really surprised me since most people don't want a 5 minute answer, they want a less than 30 second answer.

  I told her that I wouldn't belittle her pain, because I bet it was pretty bad, and I can't feel hers like she felt it.  But then again, one day of pain is nothing like everyday of pain.  See, it already doesn't make sense, does it?  Let's say that you have a really bad migraine....you can't see straight, every beat of your heart hurts your head, the light hurts, talking hurts, any noise hurts, motion hurts, eating hurts, coughing really hurts and throwing up makes you want to end your life....and let's say that it lasts from the time you get up in the morning until you go to bed at night....then the next day it's gone.  That sounds pretty bad.  It's a horrible experience that you never want to happen again.

  But what if everyday is like that?  Okay, say that 10 days out of the month are exactly like that, and the other days are only half that bad.  You can't imagine that, huh?  I don't have to imagine that; I know what it's like.  It may seem unbelievable, but I've had 29 days with a zero migraine since the Fog starter (car accident and TBI), and that was 28 January 1998.  If you want to know what's even more unbelievable, then I have a great Hunni that has stayed with me for all that time.  She's the best.

  Pain Scale

  You've seen the pain scale at hospitals, I guess you have.  I think that I invented that, but didn't get credit.  After the car wreck, I had to keep a log of what the migraine pain level was everyday.  Zero is no migraine; I've had 29 of those since the accident.  Here's mine:
  

  • 1 it is just there and almost pain free (doesn't happen often).
    
  • 2 & 3 are tolerable with not much interference to the activities of the day. 
    
  • 4 & 5 starts to interfere with most activities.
  • 6 & 7 interfere with everything (my general state).
    
  • 8 is sick and I'm not very tolerable
  • 9 is horrendous and I'm getting ready to go to the hospital for a Stadol cocktail, have already taken Imitrex and whatever.
    
  • 10 is at the hospital (about once or twice a month, in a good month).
    

  One would statistically guess that the average day is a 5, but statistics has nothing to do with it.  The barometric pressure can change the number.  Looking back at my logs and the average of most months is around 7, give or take a small fraction.  Add to that pain that my body wants to do some strange things when it's 8 or above, then it can be kinda' gruesome.

  So, do you think you can understand?  I think you can understand the numbers, but I don't think most people, like 99.9999% of the people, can understand or really empathize with the migraine.  I'm always told that I'm a harsh person when people say they understand.  Come on, you can't understand that.  Okay, I take that back.  Maybe you can understand, but most people can NOT understand.
  
  A Little Cheese with that Whine?

  Seems like I've whined again.  Gee!  I'm a wimp, what can I say?  If you've read all this, sorry for the whine.  I like sympathy in a way, but then again I don't like it.  Make sense?  I love empathy, but most can't give it.  Make sense again?  So what would I like to have out of life?  I don't know anymore.  I've actually got the bestest Hunni that can deal with me when I'm not the most like-able guy.  And truthfully, I've got the most caring cat (named Smokey) that deals with me on a daily basis and is always my friend, even if I don't want to do something for him.  He hangs with me in the most unpleasant days, and I mean he really stays right by my side.  He's even bit me when I was having a spell to help me come back out of it; what are friends for?  Yeah!

  You know, I'm pretty fortunate.  I got to spend 5 days last week out camping and hunting.  Yeah, there's 1 evening that I don't remember well and a day or 2 were really a test of endurance.  But all in all, I did get to do what I liked to do, and I enjoyed most of it.

  Today has just sucked, you can probably tell from the whine, but I still survive.  And if you happen to actually meet me someday and rhetorically ask, "How are you?" , you'll get that answer, "I still survive!"  I do just that, survive.  Don't know how or why, just do.  I've named to caregivers that I have, my Hunni and Smokey.  They're the best!  I sometimes think that the will for survival is based upon something that you really want.  With me, it's not that I really want to survive, it's that I want to be with my Hunni, something (sorry for calling her a thing) that is a someone that I really want and want to be with.  Now don't ask me if I always show her that I want to be with her.  Remember a couple of things: one is that pain will make you do things that you don't want to do, and two is that I'm still a guy (that can be bad enough in itself).

  Just for the record, there is a debate that pain will make you do things that you don't want to do.  And maybe that would be a good "thinking" blog someday.  What do you say?  Can pain make you do something you don't want to do?  It's like the question, "why does it always seem easier to hurt the one you love?".   Good topics for someone, someday.

  Now I've gone and started thinking, and my head's hurting worse.  :p

  [/whine]
  
  The FogWalker goes back to seeking oblivion....where he's been most this day....

  • 8:54 pm
  • 3 Comments