I didn't skip it because I don't have something to say about it, but I'm not going to say anything other than we could do better than what we do with security.  It's just like our Sanuces Ryu Ju-Jitsu class that is only for self-defense, not sport, and people don't usually come to it to get prepared for anything; they come after they have been a victim.  It seems that most people have a mindset that they are "okay" as long as nothing happens.  And for people like me, well, we're just paranoid.

At the gas station the other day, a guy asked me, "What would you do if I said I was going to rob you?"  He didn't call me paranoid when I gave my answer (and that's a long story with more dialog and stuff).  But he did leave me alone; so maybe it's good that I'm supposedly paranoid because I may be ready for a situation like that.  Hmm...

Had the Baby?

I'm not sure.  How can one not be so sure?  Because the freakin' pain was so bad that I couldn't tell when I was done.  I've spent the last two days sleeping.  I've been without drugs for a day now.  Another bad migraine started last night and is continuing today, and my back started hurting this afternoon.  Okay, so am I going to have another baby?  Or did I not have the first little calcium scumbag that was killing me?  Or am I just crazy?  For those that haven't read my last blog, I have/had a kidney stone.  Gee!

I Give Up!

I like oblivion and the pain meds more than the pain.  So, I'm giving in and going to go take some right now.  Sweet oblivion, here I come!  Woohoo!   You 'reckon if my doc read this he'd have me committed somewhere?  I'd move out in the desert first, and try to find another couple of Xangans out there.  Hehe!

I contacted the billing department to see if they will add the infamous Lifetime Member icon to my name, especially since I've been one for a long, long, long time.  I would have thought that they knew who was and who wasn't, but maybe I'm a figment of my own imagination and I don't really exist.  If that's so, my imagination must suck since I've imagined myself with pain.  Not real smart, huh.

I did have a doctor tell me once that my migraines are all in my head.  He was a shrink, which I didn't like anyway, but I started to say "Duh!".  But I knew that he meant that it wasn't really there, in which case I wanted to say "That's all in your head!" after hitting him in the mouth.  I controlled myself.

Having A Baby

I've been told that passing a kidney stone is compared to having a baby.  I say that it's not.  I'll admit that having a baby is alot worse since you've got something coming through a place that is alot smaller than the baby.  All the kidney stone has for it is that it may have corners, spikes, hooks and stuff like that on it, but it's much smaller than the tube.  Gee, I'm rambling.

Rambling

I was told that if you give stupid people long enough, they'll say something smart sometime.  In my limited experience, I don't know if that's true or not.  Also people on lots of pain meds will ramble on, which I hope that's the category I'm now in.  So with this blog going full circle, when I birth that horned calcium baby, I'll quit rambling.  Maybe.

The FogWalker goes to the recliner....horizontal hurts less...

Along with that, I just don't know where the days went!  And the migraine has been hurting worse everyday.

Monday came and went and I got some firewood for the wood-burning stove.  I wouldn't have if it hadn't been for the help of my son, my brother, and my Dad.  Three generations working on that!

Tuesday came and went and I don't remember what I got done, except that I couldn't go to my Tai Chi Chuan class because I was still hurting and the Meniere's was messing with me.  I went to Sanuces Ryu class, but no one showed and me and the Sensei just sat around and talked.

Wednesday came and went, or so they told me.

Thursday came and went and  Matt andI went to our Karate class for no one else to show up.  We worked out a little, refreshing up on stuff, and then went back home.  I don't know where all the students were this week.

Friday came and went and the migraine finally won.  I woke up very sick and my back was hurting.  I took my meds and went back to bed.  Then my son woke me to take him to work at noon and my migraine was really winning the battle.  My back was also hurting.  When my Hunni got home, my migraine was a #10.  I also had a stomach ache and the back ache was hurting down to my groin, right side if you know what I mean.  So I give in to going to the hospital.

When the triage nurse saw me and took my blood pressure, she got up and got a doc.  They took me back to one of the little rooms immediately.  I found out later it was because my BP was 185/145 and my O2 was 90%.  Not good.  They started the IV and about a half an hour later, they gave me a shot of Dialaudid.  I told them before the shot that it wouldn't help with my migraine.  About an hour later when my back pain had eased and my BP was only 180/130, they listened to me and gave me a shot of Stadol.  Then my BP started dropping and then it was chose to stay overnight or go home.  What a choice!  I want to go home.  Give me drugs and send me home.  So, another hour, another shot, and someone was there to get me.  I didn't know who it was, but it was my brother that took me home.

But while I was there...

I found out while I was there that my wife had to leave.  She came back to tell me that our son just had a seizure.  Yeah, the one that just had brain surgery a month ago to rid the seizures.  It was a severe one to.  Besides all the seizing, he bit his tongue, and had a nose bleed.  The news of that made me stressed, which didn't help me or him.

Now, it's really disappointing that after this major brain surgery that he has had a seizure.  I just don't know.  This seems to be one of the major disappointments recently in my life....and I'm sure it is in my son's life, too.

Meanwhile in the fog...

And it seems like I get lost in the Fog.  My comfort seems to be my Hunni that is always there for me.  Though I don't know what happens sometimes, or where days go, she's there nonetheless.  But the Fog is always hard.

The FogWalker goes back to the other room...the lights grow bright and the pain intensifies...and sweet oblivion please come...

Ever had a day that you just couldn't get up?  I mean literally!  Besides the migraine, I went to get up and couldn't move my left leg from my hip down to my foot without excruciating pain.  It wasn't like arthritis, nor a pulled muscle; it was just shear pain.  I've had to use a cane.

I had a full body harness on the other day and I usually keep them pretty tight.  When they are tight, you don't have to worry so much about slipping on your body in case of a fall.  However, I've heard of people pinching a nerve if it wasn't situated right or if it were too tight.  That's the only thing that I can think I did that would make my leg hurt like that. 

So, I have an extreme limp.  It is getting less now.

But then...

I was at Church this morning and felt one of THOSE pains in my head.  I had already limped in and sat through Sunday School class and the morning worship was starting.  Though I may write about it, I don't like people to see me "incapacitated".  Maybe it's pride; maybe it's because I know most people don't understand and can't empathize; maybe it's just me.  I looked at my Hunnie and gave her "our" sign for the problem and headed for the door.  I remember the pain and someone helping me....I thought it was my son (he wasn't even there)... and then I remember waking up sore at the house, along with a scuffed place on my forehead.

We just call it a "spell" since we don't know what exactly it is.  Nor do the docs.  But I know when it's starting to happen and I quit whatever I'm doing.  Or I run and try to hide like this morning.

I guess I'm embarrassed by my ineptitude and shortcomings, mentally or physically or even emotionally.  Geemyknee!

It's just a severe pain that seems to originate where my migraines hurt and goes into my neck.  Then it's so severe that I can't seem to function.  And then there's all the other stuff that my Hunni tells me about later.  But again, I survive.  Afterwards, there's all the soreness and whatever bumps and bruises I might get after locking up and doing whatever I do.  I really hate it, but I hate it more that others see it.

I love my Hunni, that loves me and takes care of me even through this kind of stuff.  She's been told to leave me by people that I thought were friends.  She stays, and I don't know what I would do without her.

Now, I just plain hurt and am sore.  More meds and more oblivion, please.

The FogWalker heads back to the recliner seeking oblivion...

I woke up with a #9 migraine.  That's one short of going to the hospital and getting a Stadol Cocktail.  I need oblivion.  Maybe an Ambien, or a Soma, or something.  I don't like pain and I'm a wimp.  Escape is what I presently want, but I don't know if it will come.

Disturbia

I tried to watch this movie Thursday night, but the wreck scene triggered the PTSD, and being the baby that I am, I cried for an hour while under the covers in my bed.  I finally went to sleep and it only had me upset for the rest of that evening.  However, I conquered it today and watched it.  It's a pretty good movie.

Glory Cuts

I got the two "glory cuts" on a 70' tall oak tree yesterday.  You know, I'm safer on a rope than I am walking down the street.  If I have an "oh oh" on the rope, I just hang there in my full body harness.  If I have an "oh oh" on the street, I fall down and get hurt.  Maybe I should always just hang on a rope?  Oh, the glory cuts....that's the very top cut and the very bottom cut.  Since this tree was right beside of a fence and very near a house, the tree just couldn't be fallen.  It had to be taken down piece by piece.  So the top piece was tied off, roped to a huge shackle, cut, and then a controlled lowering to the ground.  That was done until it was only about 30' tall.  Then it was time to notch and fall in the yard, and it went where it was aimed. 

I used to be a topper in the good ol' days (good ol' lots younger days).  Ah, memories....well, memories of nevermore.

Rush Hour

Then my sons took me to see Rush Hour 3.  I can't remember when I laughed so hard at some one-liners and stuff.  A very good movie to see, IMHO.

The FogWalker hurts from the screen....time to seek some more oblivion....